Yesss!! That’s it exactly 🙂
Lately while I am meditating and connecting with my higher self (and yours, too :)) I keep getting the message that I need to change my diet. I mentioned in a previous post that I’ve been putting off the physical aspect of this whole spiritual transformation experience. Once you become aware on some level that we’re all one, that your thoughts are energy forms, that expanding and raising your consciousness can and will positively affect the collective, etc…it becomes harder and harder to keep things in your life that don’t really contribute to the highest good.
Recently I have begun to extricate myself from a relationship that really isn’t working for me any more now that I am….vibrating at a higher frequency? (That sounds a little heady but writing about these things without relying on phrases like that is difficult.) This relationship transition has not been without some pain and suffering, but in order to get where I need to go, some things need to be moved out of my way first. So…now that this relationship appears to be reforming into something less taxing on my time and energy, I’m left with myself as my primary impediment to growth. Yay!
I’ve been one of those people for most of my life, frankly, who in between long bouts of willful oblivion and denial, feels terribly hypocritical about eating meat; particularly any that is factory farmed, which is most of it these days. Hypocritical because I love animals, I care about the environment and I care about justice and karma and all the big important ideals that we “should” be aspiring to uphold. Rounding out the list of things I care about is (not least of all): ME! When you raise your awareness, you also raise a big “to-do” list in terms of amending behaviors that no longer serve your highest good or for that matter, the highest good of all.
As I was thinking about this stuff last night and coming to the conclusion that I really cannot continue to ignore what I am being directed to do any longer, it occurred to me that giving up meat and walking the walk instead of just feeling the feels is one way to reconcile a polarity within myself. If I know something but behave as if I do not know it, I am not really unifying my beliefs with my actions. Hmmm….food for thought? What other areas of my life am I acting out this kind of polarization between belief and action?
Part of my awakening has been finally understanding the meaning of real self-care. Directing loving energy toward myself, healing my past and strengthening my connection to source are all important ways that I can contribute to raising and holding a higher vibration for a greater good. In meditation I’m being told that by cleansing and detoxifying my body and eating more raw, healthy foods, I will improve my abilitiy to connect with source and I will accelerate my own spiritual growth. These aren’t complex messages from the outer reaches of the cosmos, they are common sense, common knowledge and….commonly ignored by me.
Of course, I wouldn’t have to be writing any of this if I didn’t love meat, dammit! I’ve read of many people who simply lose the taste for meat one day. No sacrifice there, right? Woke up, didn’t like it any more, gave it up. Why that kind of sudden loss of an unhealthy craving doesn’t ever seem to happen to me, I’ll never know. As of this writing, I do not know whether I’m going to go cold turkey (so to speak) or ween off of meat and become a raw foodie or just become an occasional, hyper conscious meat-eater who only eats animals who were soothed to death by monks.
Transforming relationships with other human beings is hard, as I mentioned earlier. I have a feeling that transforming my relationship to meat may be even harder. I will let you know how it goes.
It’s funny how we can overuse and even abuse certain popular phrases our entire lives and then one day feel as if we’ve suddenly awoken to their true meaning and use them in a way that feels more personal than it used to. In this instance, I am referring to that ambiguous, amorphous unit of measurement we all use when assessing the mood or intentions of other sentient beings or even when reacting to how it feels to be in a particular space: the vibe.
“Vibe” is short for vibration, of course. When we sense “good” vibes, we relax and stay awhile. When we sense “bad” vibes, we tend to look around for the nearest way out or around them. When we sense “weird” vibes, we question what’s “off” around us. The dictionary explains that vibrations can be “instinctively sensed or experienced”. I’d argue that there is a lot of variation in how people sense or experience their instincts, however.
Most of us don’t even notice our own subtle physical responses to stimuli, we don’t even realize that we are reacting to a physical feeling in our bodies when we pick up vibes because the physical sensation or subtle feeling immediately triggers a thought.
Or maybe most of us do notice…I, however, have spent most of my life very disassociated from my body in this way. For this reason I have doubted my own intuitive powers at times, believing that those who experience a high level of psychic connectedness generally have a lot more “gut” feelings or that somehow they physically receive information, if that makes sense. This is not an uncommon phenomenon at all, everyone knows the physical signs of fear can be present before the danger is physically obvious–strong “bad” vibes are not elusive experiences and we should all respect the evolutionary benefits of “gut” feelings and honor them. I’m speaking of the finer abilites psychics seem to have to feel that kind of energetic vibe remotely or even feel its potential to manifest as opposed to feeling that way in an actual flight or fight moment of stress or crisis.
I do not often experience my intuition in what I would describe as an obviously physical way. Instead, I just “know” things sometimes. 99.9% of the time, what I know is of absolutely no consequence or relevance to anyone but myself. I’m talking frequent but very typical everyday psychic/ intuitive phenomenon (I’d love someone to enlighten me as to the difference between an intuitive and a psychic. Is there one?) such as knowing who is calling or thinking of a person just before they text. I am, however, a believer in our ability to develop our natural psychic abilities and to open ourselves to greater sensitivity to our surroundings, our bodies, etc…so that we are “tuned in” and thusly, more capable perhaps of picking up vibes on more and more subtle levels. So this is where I’m coming from. I am actively, if somewhat sloppily, making attempts to open myself up this way.
I’ve been actively working on many things lately in meditations in relation to my desire to open my channel so that I can really tune in and tune up my instrument, so to speak. I’ll be more specific in other posts I’m sure, but for now, it’s enough to know that I’m visualizing and working on clearing as much old, dense energy, unhelpful programming and shitty memories from my body and mind and aura as I can each day in some small way. I’m pretty much just spring cleaning the hell out of myself, spiritually, psychologically and emotionally. (I’m procrastinating the “physically” part of the cleaning although I know the time is nigh…).
During these meditations recently I have experienced intense vibrations throughout my body, I have felt things being removed from me, I have felt a kind of pure disembodied love enter me, I’ve felt my soul, I’ve felt other people’s souls, I’ve felt other entities souls. All positive. In no other time of my life have I experienced anything remotely close to what’s been going on sporadically the past couple of months. I’ve been moved to tears of release and gratitide at times, because for me, feeling is believing.
All of that said, I’m terribly impatient and I’m somewhat insatiable, so I’m getting a bit in my own way. I’ll have a profoundly moving meditation and convince myself that “it’s going to be like this now!” and then the next day I can’t get close by half to the same level of experience. It’s like that for many, I know.
As I mentioned in my only other post so far, I’m kind of coming a bit unglued right now in the sense that I have lost interest in almost everything except for the contemplation of, information about and discussion of life’s bigger questions. It’s really very inconvenient, frankly. My tendency to space out is well beyond a tendency at this juncture, it’s a state of being. I am so wide open right now that its freaking me out but I do not feel gullible! Instead I feel like I’m finally accepting that I do indeed Know things with a capital K and if I can trust what I know then reading something that feels true to me and feels like information I already know, is, actually, validation enough to continue exploring the topic no matter how out there said topic may be.
That’s enough for the moment.
Took this photo a few years ago on my birthday. Someone told me iron makes the water look red like that. It sounded plausible so I believed them. The Pacific Northwest is full of sensory overload in the best way possible. So lush. I like how the shadow of the tree splits this pool into the blue side that reflects the sky and the red side.
Truthfully I find myself in need of an outlet these days.
So this humble little blog is that now. A place to just unfold as I will and hopefully share some of my thoughts, fears, musings, struggles, inspirations, hang-ups, wisdom and humor along the way.
I seek to be known as I am now, in this moment. Only you can see me this way. Strangers or fellow travellers of a certain bent persuasion. But how could I share who I am in this moment with anyone who thinks they already know who I am in this moment already? See? That is where you enter into things.
As of this inaugural post I’m finding myself experiencing a confusing time in my life. I’m awakening to and rapidly accepting all kinds of ideas that I’d have believed were freaking insane even a few short months ago. I’m experiencing physical symptoms that some seem to associate with the phenomenon of a spiritual “awakening” but I still feel slightly mad even saying that.
I am quite certain that I am a spiritual creature experiencing a human life at this time. Absolutely nothing revelatory there. I’ve always known this, but throughout my life the importance I placed on knowing this has wavered quite a bit. I’ve had periods of intense interest in spirituality and periods of disengagement. However, as of this writing I find myself unable to enjoy much of anything other than pondering my own spiritual navel…
I have a sudden and profound need as of late to know everything now and I began to wonder if others would understand what I mean by this. It’s difficult to express how frustrated I feel at times that I can’t willfully and instantly expand my consciousness large enough to hold all the information I am craving NOW.
While I have always believed that I possess a curious and open mind, I’ve surprised myself greatly recently by accepting some ideas that, should I sit with them long enough to fully digest and assimilate them, could cause me to have to seriously expand and renovate my comfort zone.
I’ve been lead in many directions in my attempts to understand myself, my true nature, my purpose, etc…and I’ve been fascinated by all kinds of topics: psychology, spirituality, telepathy, psychedelics, mysticism, synchronicity, science, 5D, meditation, astral projection, reincarnation, channeling, ancient cultures, homeopathy, meditation, shamanism, spirit guides, trance states, inter-dimensional travel, etc…and on and on.
I feel as if many others may be experiencing the same sort of exciting and uncomfortable changes taking place within themselves. Maybe you used to think you had a solid idea of what life was all about and maybe you are now being drawn to ideas that you don’t know what to do with or you aren’t sure where they fit into the ideas you’ve previously accepted as part of your belief system. I hope that if you are one of those people, you’ll find this blog a comfortable place to contemplate where you’re at in your own journey.
One thing that I know is that I’m committed to my own continued evolution as a spiritual being and a seeker. Hopefully I’ll attract similar souls to this blog and be able to offer something to the ongoing discourse about our true natures, our purpose for being and how to best serve each other and our higher selves along the way.